that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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