What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
