it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
