So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
