so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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