I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
