Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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