I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
