sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
