Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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