U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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