So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
