thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
