Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
