you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
