she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
