I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
