he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
