I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
