i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
