Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
