TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
