How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
