What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
