piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
