I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
