Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
