I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
