just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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