Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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