You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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