fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
