In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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