i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
