I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
