Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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