Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
