i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
