I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've blown a few things in my day
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
