who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
