Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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