This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
