last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
