i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
