I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
