Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
