It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
