So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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