I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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