I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
